


Papyrus' Guide to Living

by gigiree



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hospitalization, Papyrus is a goof ball, Reader is a college graduate, go-for-it, melancholy holiday feels, self improvement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21775051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigiree/pseuds/gigiree
Summary: Job hunting, you say? That should be easy! After all, he used to hunt humans!Great thing he's got a human friend like you to help him!You're not entirely good at this, but Papyrus, lonely as he is, seizes opportunities. He asks the world for things and isn't afraid to be told "No." You could use a little bit of that optimism.Maybe this will be good for you too.
Relationships: Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Asgore Dreemurr/Toriel, Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Papyrus' Guide to Living

“PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE REQUIRED? NOW, I COULD BE ENTIRELY MISTAKEN, BUT HOW DOES ONE GET PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE IF ONE IS NEVER HIRED IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

You’re really trying not to eavesdrop on the conversation. You’re really not. It’s just that one of said people in this conversation are really loud. Honestly though, you can’t fault him for it. You’ve had enough job hunting experience to know that it’s frustrating how most places expect you to have been hired before...even if you’re fresh out of college.

You keep your head down, however, and continue mopping up the floor. It’s none of your business.

“PLEASE...AT LEAST TAKE MY RESUME. I ASSURE YOU, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, CAN MEASURE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS.”

“Are you familiar with HIPAA?” The front-desk lady, Gina, asks tiredly. She’s probably rubbing her temples right now. She always does by 3:00 PM. 

“N-NO...I AM NOT. BUT I-”

“Do you know any medical codes?”

“UNFORTUNATELY N-”

“Have you ever worked in a hospital before.”

“NO, BUT I-”

“If you don’t have prior experience working in this kind of setting, then I’m sorry. We can’t offer you an interview.”

“THIS IS VERY DISTRESSING.”

“Yes. It is. For the both of us. Good day, Mr. Uh…”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS.” The way he says this doesn’t sound so great. Poor dude sounds dejected. He’s speaking loud, but somehow it hasn’t grated on the people around you in the main hospital entrance. “

You hope he catches a break somewhere else. At least he was honest about his experiences.

“A GOOD DAY TO YOU AS WELL, MA’AM.” 

Ah...what a cutie. So polite. He probably would make an excellent greeter somewhere. You also notice that you’ve mopped the same spot twice.

“AH...PARDON ME...YOU HAVE CLEANED THE SAME SPOT TWICE.”

A pair of pretty red boots stop short of your mop’s radius. You follow the very thin legs in those boots up and up...until you reach a nicely pressed white shirt and a red scarf…and a skull.

A very, very real skull whose smile is broad and warm. Dark, narrow sockets shift with his expressions. He hugs himself as you scrutinize him for too long without saying anything. You’re not really sure what to say. He doesn’t sound judgemental at all. He has simply stated a fact like it was the most natural thing in the world to call someone out on their cleaning technique.

“YOU ARE VERY DILIGENT. I MUST COMMEND YOU ON THAT!” He claps his gloved hands once...twice. It’s not a sarcastic clap either. Something tells you he means it.

You blink and tug on your gray scrub shirt.

“Thanks. I’m just a custodian.”

He looks appalled.

“NONSENSE! YOU ARE AN ESSENTIAL PART OF THIS HOSPITAL! WITHOUT YOU, INFECTION WOULD RUN RAMPANT!” 

You startle, more so from his enthusiasm than his volume. He’s leaning into your space now, but still has not intruded into the circle of cleanliness you’ve made. His eyes are gleaming? How is that even possible.

You feel your face flush. You grip the handle of your mop tighter. Oh. You’re feeling appreciated. You’re not sure you like it.

“T-thanks.” You shrug. You look at the suds in the bleach solution swirling in the bucket next to your feet. You look at the horrible tile pattern that reminds you of a 90’s paper coffee cup. Anywhere but at him. He’s too earnest.

“Ah...I suppose I should...use this sort of volume of voice. I apologize. I tend to forget when…” He trails off, looks askance. It’s only for a moment, but the melancholy there is obvious. He picks himself back up. “Perhaps, I am not suited to a place like this.”

You feel the urge to do something. He’s not supposed to be sad. You don’t know this guy, but something tells you he’s not supposed to be this downtrodden.

“I...I don’t think your volume’s bad, honestly. You’ll find a job, I’m sure. I...Well, I wouldn’t change yourself or anything like that, but speaking quieter wouldn’t hurt either...unless you’re not comfortable with that.” You shake your head. “Sorry, I’m not great at this encouragement thing. But you just gotta keep up your spirits while job hunting!”

Papyrus’ smile breaks like dawn. It’s brilliant and adorable, and you think he understands the gist of what you’re getting at.

“YES! THANK YOU HUMAN! I UNDERSTAND! IT’S LIKE HUMAN HUNTING!”

You choke.

“Like w-what?”

He doesn’t clarify.

“THE SAME INGENUITY! THE SAME HONOR! THE SAME FRIEND-MAKING! I CAN DO THIS!”

“Y-yeah!”

“I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL HUNT A JOB!”

“S-sure.”

“AND YOU, HUMAN, WILL YOU HELP ME?”

“Uh-duh.”

Lord, you’re an idiot. Really, is that all you can say? Well, he’s looking at you so full of hope and goshdarn good cheer, can you really say no? You could. You really should. You’re no good at this stuff. You haven’t touched your CV since graduation and that was two years ago.

“PLEASE?! I SHALL COMPENSATE YOU FOR YOUR SERVICES.”

He’s offering payment? It’s not like you’re rolling in money, but…can you really get paid for something so trivial when you know next to nothing about how to successfully get a job. You’d gotten this position by sheer dumb luck.

Oh...oh no...you’re taking too long to answer. He’s turning crestfallen, quick say something!

“ABSOLUTELY!” You squeak.

“EXCELLENT!”

God, you’re such a dweeb. 

He offers his hand to seal the deal. The soft leather of his glove is a bit disconcerting over the hard bone you can feel shifting underneath. It is only then you notice that you have stepped into your mopped up area.

Shoot.

\----

Papyrus has a car. An amazing red convertible. The kind of car you can only dream of having.

He gives you a ride home.

It’s fun, until autumn says “fuck you”, and you have to spit out leaves from your mouth.

Still, new friends make things better.

\---

Papyrus’ house is impeccably neat. Despite the neatness, a lot of the furniture is well-loved, worn at the edges. The couch is the kind of fluffy that you get when you pound your pillow before falling asleep.

The fire crackles in the grate cheerfully.

It’s not a very big house, but it seems awfully lonely to live by yourself in a place like this. In the corner of the living room by the TV, there is a sock. 

There’s a series of sticky notes on said sock.

_ SANS, PICK UP YOUR SOCK. _

_ Ok. _

_ SANS, WE JUST MOVED HERE. CLEAN UP YOUR SOCK! _

_ Ok. _

_ DON’T PUT A CLEAN SOCK ON THE FLOOR! _

_ Cool. ok. _

_ DON’T PUT IT ON THE TV STAND! _

_ SANS...WHEN YOU GET BACK, PLEASE PUT THE CLEAN SOCK IN YOUR ROOM. _

_ BROTHER...I WON’T CLEAN THE SOCK FOR YOU. I’LL JUST LEAVE IT THERE UNTIL YOU COME HOME AND CAN DO IT YOURSELF. _

_ Sans...I miss you. _

You feel terrible. You feel like you’ve eavesdropped on a very important conversation. You shouldn’t have pried. Go mind your own business. Papyrus is in the kitchen making you some tea. He’s being a good host. You’re being a shitty guest.

You watch the rain run down the quaint little windows with a certain sort of sadness. It’s a distant sadness. The kind you feel when you watch a movie where a dog dies. It’s not your dog. It’s not your life. But still, your eyes sting and when the window gets blurry, you realize you’re tearing up.

You bring up your hand to wipe them away.

“HUMAN! IS MY HOME SO SCENIC AND GRAND, THAT YOU HAVE BEEN MOVED TO TEARS?”

You jump up from the couch, feeling ashamed. He winces, but manages to balance the tea tray very well.

“Yeah uh...hah...I’m just really moved by how nice and cozy everything is. I like the fairy lights hanging from the stairs.”

God, when did you get so good at lies. That’s not something to be proud of, but you can analyze it later.

“WELL.” Papyrus coughs. “Wowie, I suppose humans really are emotional creatures. Never fear, Human! You are always welcome in my cozy home!”

He hands you a cup of steaming golden flower tea. It smells like sunshine on leaves. It reminds you of summer. You mutter a quick thanks, before digging into the generous slice of pie he’s placed in front of you on the rickety coffee table.

You chew slowly, wondering just where to start things. Papyrus sits quietly, hands laced around his own mug of tea. He practically looks like he’s vibrating in excitement. He’s expectant.

You worry you’ll only disappoint him.

You remember a piece of the conversation he’d had with Gina.

“You uh...you mentioned having a resume earlier? Can I see it?” You point at him with your fork.

He leaps up into action with a giddy squeal. Adorable. It’s hard to smile with this delicious pie in your mouth, but you find yourself doing it anyway.

His resume is a thirty-two page autobiographical sketch. It’s formatted into paragraphs of decidedly eloquent verbiage, but unfortunately it’s not gonna make the cut.

“Even when I was a baby-bones, I, the GREAT PAPYRUS, was destined for glory. It all started when I made my first snow-monster in school.” You read aloud. 

Papyrus nods eagerly. He clasps his hands together, waiting for your conclusion.

You’re not judging him, really. Well, maybe a little. But you’re impressed. He could probably write a fairly good college admissions essay, if it came down to it. There’s skill in here, somewhere. You just gotta dig it out.

“Alright Papyrus, my friend, my bro, my dude…” You start, flipping through the thirty two pages. “Who taught you how to write a resume?”

“MY FRIEND UNDYNE. SHE WAS THE FORMER CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD. SO SHE KNEW A LOT OF THINGS.”

“Okay well...Papyrus...Humans have very short attention spans. Humans who hire people have even shorter attention spans. You gotta be short and sweet about this kind of thing. Unfortunate because I’d really like to read your whole life’s story one day.” 

Papyrus squints at you...well, somewhere in your chest more like. Your shoulders hover somewhere near your ears. You feel exposed. You wonder if you came off to sarcastic.

He stops squinting and sighs, looking more tired than you’d expect. His smile is smaller. Soft.

“Okay then Human Friend, please demonstrate to me how to make a Human Resume.”

That’s one too many Humans in a sentence. You tell him your name. He says the syllables like he’s tasting something sweet.

You wonder why that’s so nice to hear.

\---

“Do you speak another language? I mean...I know like Moldsmals do the hip talk thing? Like Shakira...you know?”

Papyrus hums thoughtfully.

“THAT HUMAN SINGER DOES SEEM TO BE VERY POPULAR WITH THE MOLDSMALS.”

“Well then yeah! That’s a skill. Can you speak Moldsmal?”

“ANYONE CAN, SO LONG AS THEY CAN WIGGLE...THE UNFORTUNATE THING IS THAT NOT EVERYONE CAN UNDERSTAND IT. I DO NOT.”

“So that’s a no?”

“YES.”

“A yes to the no, or a yes to the Moldsmal?”

“UHHHH”

“I’m joking.”

Papyrus groans, but he doesn’t seem all that put out by it. If anything, you think, he finds it humorous.

Snrrk. You’ve got something.

“I was being...humerous. Get it? Like the bone?”

He shrieks and runs a lap around the living room. You think it’s hilarious. He seems pretty athletic. You wonder if he’d make a good gym coach, maybe?

“Papyrus...what sort of jobs do you want to apply to?”

He vaults over a particularly tall chair with a satisfied NYEH under his breath. He lands just a few feet away from you on the plush red carpet. His red boots thud heavily.

“ANY OCCUPATION THAT SUITS MY TALENTS...PREFERABLY IN OR NEAR THE HOSPITAL.”

It’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment, but Papyrus looks almost angry with that last part. 

A nice lonely house. Evidence that he hadn’t been alone before. No current job, but no seeming rent to pay either. He’s not lacking in the stylish clothes department.

“Papyrus...do you...uh...never mind.” You say quickly. You go back to writing on the notepad he’d offered you. “Okay...what sort of experiences have you had, either volunteering or work?”

“UHHH…”

“Honestly, anything counts! Have you babysat for a family friend before? Cooked a large family meal? Did any sort of crafty thing?”

Papyrus’ gaze glitters in excitement.

“ I HAVE. ON OCCASION, I BABYSIT FRISK AND FLOWEY! I MAKE SPAGHETTI FOR ALL MY FRIENDS. THE MOST SPLENDID SPAGHETTI! I DESIGN SOME OF MY OWN CLOTHES!” 

He’s about ready to show you examples, but you steady him with some measured encouragement.

“That’s great! I’m sure you’re excellent at all of those! It actually gives us a good place to start. Hmm…” You hand him the notepad. “Write down more of that kind of stuff and then we can go through and see what to put on your resume!”

The rain patters on, and slowly Papyrus’ experiences comes to light.

\--

**Author's Note:**

> A short wholesome christmas story for a friend who wanted more Paps/Reader


End file.
